Gone too soon.

It started as an ordinary day. I woke up around eight, stretched my sore legs and hopped out of bed a little too fast. I heard a crunch.

"No..." I looked down

"No... No no no..." I scooped up my vibrator from the floor. The tip hung limp, plastic smashed, attached only by a wire.

I dropped to my knees "NOOOO!!!!!"

Old blue was dead.

He was such a good, loyal companion to me. So I'd like to say a few words before laying him to rest.

The Wizard's Eulogy

I remember the day I got you. I was only eighteen, and a group of my sexy lifeguard friends and I decided to go to Castle Boutique. I had recently broken up with The Ex, and Teazy's boyfriend had just been deployed for six months. We were both in need of some good good lovin'. We giggled through the store at the giant dongs and sex swings. We ogled porno tapes. Princess told us that she already had a vibrator, a purple one with rhinestones. Boobs, already owning an arsenal of toys herself, decided to buy a pair of assless fishnet tights. Teazy and I excitedly hurried to the vibrators.

I saw you at once, but viewed the rest of the selection. A naughty part of me considered a porn-star designed rabbit vibrator with rotating pearls and thrusting action, but I resisted for the sake of a tight snatch. Finally I came back to you, shining in the case. You were blue and glittery, with a spoon like tip that was designed to hug tightly to a clitoris. At the counter the clerk loaded you with batteries to make sure you worked, and you did. You revved to life, a vibration I felt in my very soul.

At home I struggled to get to know you, adjusting to the power of two triple A batteries. Once I knew you though, we were an inseparable pair. With your magic wand good looks, I nicknamed you The Wizard, and we made magic.

If only I had put you on the table instead of letting you roll off the bed last night. If only I had stepped more lightly, but I didn't. If only I had said good bye. Alas, if if's and but's were candy and nuts, then every day would be unte donk-fest. Instead of dwelling on my "if's" I will comfort myself in your memory. Fondly I will remember the masturbation marathons. The packs of batteries we went through. The distaste my boyfriend had for our relationship. The times when, in desperation, we stole the batteries from my scientific calculator so we could have a little more fun. Yes, old blue, I will remember you fondly.

You have touched me in so many ways, and the time we spent together was orgasmic.
Good bye, old friend.